Spiritual development takes time. That’s something we should be clear about upfront. No single book is going to change your life just by reading it.
Even amazing books – and The Four Agreements is one of those – have to be implemented. And taking action takes time.
A long-term spiritual development plan
That said, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz gives you a solid foundation for your spiritual development.
I first read this book several years ago while it was being used as the basis for a series of lectures at the spiritual center I often attend. It wasn’t the first time I’d heard of it, but it was the first time I delved into it deeply.
The messages sunk in and continue to be part of the spiritual work I incorporate into my daily life.
The Four Agreements
- Be impeccable with your word
- Don’t take anything personally
- Don’t make assumptions
- Always do your best
These agreements are ones you make with yourself regarding how you want to live your life. It may mean breaking and doing away with old agreements that aren’t working for you anymore (and perhaps never really did).
It’s impossible to truly summarize each of these four agreements in a blog post, but here’s my takeaway from each of them.
Be impeccable with your word
What you say – and how you say it – matters. This includes how you speak to yourself. Being impeccable with your word means taking responsibility for how you speak about and to yourself and about and to others.
This means being kind to yourself in the words you use about yourself. It means catching your thoughts of stupid, fat, ugly, etc., noticing them and being willing to change them.
It means not gossiping about others.
Don’t take anything personally
The tagline for my personal blog used to be: “Your opinion of me is none of my business.” That sums up not taking anything personally.
The things that happen to you in life aren’t about you. Not really. Or at least not on the deeply person level we often take them to be.
Other people’s reactions to you are about them, not you.
This means the “good” and the “bad.” So while it might be easy-ish to agree that other people’s negative reactions aren’t something you should take personally and take in, it’s often more challenging to do that with their positive ones.
For me, this is a tough one. I want people to like me. It’s a pretty normal human thing to want to be liked and accepted – it’s part of how we evolved to simply stay alive by being part of a pack or community. But I continue to work on it, by working on being impeccable with my word to myself and liking and accepting myself thoroughly. Then other people’s opinions don’t matter.
Don’t make assumptions
We make assumptions all the time. Then we believe them and take whatever they are personally. How can you stop doing this?
Don’t assume people know what you want, think or need. Communicate clearly with others – with kindness and compassion. Express what you really want.
Ask questions of others so you don’t make assumptions about what they want, think or need, and really listen to the answers.
This takes practice. But practice builds new habits and ways of being and living that are for your higher good.
Always do your best
The last agreement is to do your best, whatever the situation is. Understand, though, that your best will change from day to day, and even moment to moment. Your best when you’ve had a great night’s sleep and a good breakfast is different than when your child woke you up three times because of nightmares, you burned breakfast and realized you ran out of coffee last week and forgot to buy more at the grocery store.
Doing the best you can in any given moment is enough.
Change takes time
Making and implementing these four agreements in your life may be the work of a lifetime, but it’s work that gets easier over time, the more you do it. I’m still working on them myself, but they’ve done a lot to further my personal spiritual development, which has enabled me to connect more deeply with my intuition and mediumship abilities, while living a happier, more peaceful life.
I encourage you to read the book and see how it works for you.