The idealized image of meditation is a person sitting crossed legged with their hands resting palms up on their knees, thumb and forefinger making a circle. They sit, straight but relaxed, a look of serenity and enlightenment on their face as their conscious mind lets go and floats in the heavens with the angels, gods and wise ones.
But when you sit and meditate, your mind stays firmly inside your head, thinking about everything you’ve forgotten to do, need to do, should do, things to add to the grocery list, people to call, bills to pay. And your stomach clenches up, your lungs constrict and you’re nowhere near being relaxed and groovy. Or perhaps anxiety doesn’t well up for you, but your mind keeps churning in its own way and you think, “this can’t possibly be what meditation is supposed to feel like?”
A successful meditation
First, know that your meditation is a success any time you sit down, close your eyes and breathe. The attempt, in an of itself is a success. What happens when you do it is secondary, at least in the beginning.
Yes, hopefully, your meditation leaves you feeling more relaxed and centered than when you began. But relaxing can feel like hard work sometimes.
Here are some tips to help you. I like to think of them as giving your brain something to do so that it can let go of all the other stuff it likes to pay attention to and hold on to. This allows your intuition and wise mind to step in.
These methods are helpful if you want to find moments of mental stillness during meditation but have difficulty with your mind constantly wandering away or feeling anxious.
Inhale, exhale
Meditation is really all about breathing. Breathing in. Breathing out. Paying attention to that breath (and, by doing so, distracting your brain from all the other things it usually thinks about).
As you inhale, mentally say to yourself, inhale.
As you exhale, mentally say to yourself, exhale.
Repeat.
If that doesn’t seem like enough to focus your mind, try saying to yourself, Now I am inhaling. Now I am exhaling. It takes a little longer to say these phrases in your mind, hopefully taking up most of the space of your inhale and exhale, and keeping your mind more focused.
I also like the humor I find in it. Now I am inhaling. How much more in the present moment can you be than when you are thinking to yourself about the very thing you are doing to keep your body alive?
Here a video showing you the technique:
Counting
Counting sheep is a widely-known method for falling asleep (at least you’ve probably heard of it, even if you haven’t tried it). Counting helps you concentrate and focus your mind on something, which allows it to relax.
There are a couple of methods of counting that I like to use.
Counting to 10
As you inhale, mentally count 1.
As you exhale, mentally count 2.
Continue going: inhale 3, exhale 4, inhale 5, exhale 6, inhale 7, exhale 8, inhale 9, exhale 10.
Then start again from 1 and repeat.
Counting each in breath and out breath
As you inhale, slowly count 1, 2, 3, 4 in your mind, for the length of your inhalation.
As you exhale, slowly count 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 in your mind, for the length of your exhalation.
It’s best if you can make your exhale 1 count longer than your inhale.
Or, if you enjoy counting the beats of music, you can inhale for 1, 2, 3, 4 and exhale for 5, 6, 7, 8, with a count of rest at the end.
And here’s another video demonstrating these two methods: