I saw a meme recently that resonated:
Learn to differentiate between your intuition guiding you and your traumas misleading you.
Trauma and loss can cause your intuition to open up and lead you to become skilled in listening to your inner knowing, especially when they occur when you’re young.
They can also cause your intuition to shut down. Or, at the very least, make it tricky to decipher what’s intuition and what’s fear.
A few weeks ago, the day before my birthday, I was heading off to do some errands on my bike. As I headed down the road, I got a tightening, sinking feeling in my core. Something felt wrong about taking my bike.
I was running a little late, as I often do, the sun was shining, the air was crisp and refreshing, I felt good. I had a busy day ahead of me and knew I wouldn’t get the chance to exercise otherwise. Was this really an intuitive feeling? Or was it anxiety, fueled by the prospect of one of the emotionally challenging things on my schedule or worry about being hit by a car?
It’s often hard for me to know.
Because of the accidents, illnesses and losses I’ve experienced, I’m understandably apprehensive about sustaining more. It can be hard to tell if an inner urge to not do something is because of my intuition warning me or because I’m simply afraid.
Anxiety has a way of making your comfort zone smaller and smaller. I want my world to expand, not shrink, so I have a tendency to push against the anxiety and do things anyway. However, living an intuitively-led life is important to me and I want to listen to my inner voice.
Follow the Yes, not the No
What I’ve found to be more successful when following my intuition is to follow the swellings of energy that say, “yes!” Or the clear feelings when I know something is true, without other explanation.
For example, a few years ago, I decided we needed to take a vacation. We’d been spending a lot of time at home in the same, everyday routine. Structure and routine can be great, but sometimes you need a change of scenery.
So I envisioned where I wanted to go, and pictured somewhere in Oregon where we could have a little adventure with our 4 kids. I had a good, clear feeling internally that this was possible and we’d find somewhere affordable within driving distance where we could spend a few days exploring and hanging out. A few days later, Crater Lake came up in conversation and I got that clear, happy feeling again. We ended up going to Crater Lake that July and had a memorable time.
Each year since I’ve done the same thing. Sometimes I’ve asked myself internally about different places and felt out the response. We’ve ended up going to England, as well as places closer to home, like the Oregon Coast, Sunriver and Black Butte Ranch.
Developing your intuition requires you to develop trust with yourself. It’s a relationship that takes time to grow. It’s totally OK if, especially in the beginning stages of that relationship, you focus on some of the lighter aspects of it.
In terms of your intuition, that means it’s OK to focus on the “yes”es to begin with and let the “no”s go for now. If you’d just met a new friend, or even a potential romantic partner, you’d probably start developing the relationship with a coffee date, seeing a movie, chatting over dinner about easy topics, before delving into the deeper, and potentially more difficult, parts of your life and past.
Listening to the “yes”es means:
- Following your positive hunches
- Listening to the surges of energy that come when you think of a new project, plan or idea
- Not talking yourself out of the sudden knowing you sometimes get about something or someone
- Wearing the first outfit that catches your eye when you get ready for the day
- Celebrating all the little signs you get throughout your days from the universe and your inner knowing
The differences between fear and intuition
If you’re someone whose experienced trauma or loss, you need to first heal that pain in order to be able to effectively listen to your intuition when it warns you away from things. Otherwise, it’s easy to get lost in the swirl of emotions that come up when you get a bad feeling about something.
However, there are a couple of ways to determine if it’s fear or intuition you’re feeling:
- Intuition is focused on the present and is a clear, emotionally-unattached feeling.
- Fear brings in the past and present and is often emotionally charged.
What did I do that day on my bike?
Well, I’ve often had that niggling feeling inside as I head off the down the hill. Usually, it’s worry about the future, so I acknowledge it, thank it for keeping me attentive to my surroundings and set off.
That’s what I did that day. I made it to my first meeting and didn’t need to spend time looking for parking, so I wasn’t late! Unfortunately, due to a slight miscalculation in time on my part, plus spending a little too long shopping for yarn after my meeting (it was right next to a yarn shop!), I didn’t have time to ride back to my house and get my car and had to bike to the rest of my appointments, racking up 7 or 8 miles of riding. My body wasn’t up for it and, combined with some barometric changes, it probably set off a Fibromyalgia flare-up the next day.
Sometimes these things happen.
Was it my intuition warning me as I left my house? (Or while I was in the yarn shop, dawdling over pretty soft yarn?) I’m not sure. There are some things we just can’t ever know for sure, although in hindsight, perhaps I should have taken my car the whole day..
I did use the nudge to keep a lookout for cars and stay safe biking around town. And, at the time, I felt really good about being outside and getting some exercise. It’s also possible that it wasn’t the biking, that something else may have triggered that flareup or another like it.
Be kind to yourself above all
Either way, it’s OK.
Because that’s the thing with developing your relationship with your intuition. You’ve got to be kind to yourself about it. You’ve got to allow yourself grace. It’s OK to not get it right all of the time, to look back and go, “Oh, yeah, I should have listened.” That’s one of the ways you learn and grow and move forward as well.
So start wherever you are in developing your trust in your own intuition. Start with listening for “yes” and go from there.
Image by Karolina Grabowska from Pixabay